taking a break from healing to heal

too much of a good thing

Rest until you feel like playing, then play until you feel like resting, period. Never do anything else.

Martha Beck

Last week before my magical trip to Joshua Tree to celebrate Paige’s wedding, I found myself feeling weak and wiped despite my best efforts to take care of my Self through all of my beloved various nutrition and mindfulness practices.

I took myself to an Applied Kinesiologist doctor I’ve been seeing for over 7 years, who muscle tested me to discover that my Ayurvedic herbs had done their job. Because I was still ingesting them however, their potency was actually causing my adrenals to shut down [the adrenal glands regulate hormone production] – meaning fatigue and poor digestion, among other uncomfortable symptoms.

It was both illuminating and devastating to me that I suffered from trying to heal myself, that something so healing could be over-executed in a way that caused more dis-ease than ease [although Ayurveda as a whole continues to enhance my life tremendously, and I love it as a diet and lifestyle about 80% of the time].

I admittedly felt slightly ashamed that my efforts resulted in feeling more sickly than well. Regardless, I owned the fact that the vast realm of plant-based medicine is still relatively new to me all things considered; I am still learning how powerful plants must be monitored and regulated.

It is all well and good to be excited about superfoods and healing foods, although many of us fail to recognize that these were used medicinally in specific dosages in ancient cultures and not necessarily on a daily basis. When they have done their work, they may no longer be necessary, and it is our job to try to pay as close attention as possible to their effects.

This is not to say that Ayurveda, healing, self-care, or potent herbs are dangerous – but like anything that is exacerbated, these strong and mighty practices may lead to undesirable results. For me personally, this is moreso a lesson in how we approach this work [i.e. calm attention versus strict obsession] and how powerful these practices are on a physical, mental, and metaphysical level.

This life is a succession of trials and triumphs, errors and wins. Sometimes we reach our goals and sometimes aspects of our shadow-side or lessons that still need to be learned are revealed to us in various ways. Sometimes it takes a literal or figurative smack in the face to come to our senses, and it is our responsibility to more forward accordingly.

Being faced with the conundrum of over-healing signaled an ongoing message that has been creeping up over the past couple of years to lighten my load. My A-student tendencies had been overworked to the point of exhaustion, and I had no choice but to receive the information and take a break from self-care.

My recent visit to a hypnotherapist likened self-betterment practices to sharpening a knife: sharpening it intermittently will allow you to use it well in between sharpens, while sharpening it too much without really putting the knife to use will dull the blade. Self-care is not about getting an A+ for taking all of the superfoods and doing all of the rituals; it is no longer caring to burden our immune system with an overload of healing foods and practices, especially if we can’t put them steadily into practice.

It is OK and necessary to get a little dirty sometimes, whether that means eating a cookie, meditating for just 1 minute instead of 20, or rolling around in Mother Nature’s actual dirt. It is OK and necessary to mess up sometimes, so long as we can gracefully receive the information and lessons and move forward accordingly.

Here are a few personal lessons I’ve learned from this current experience of taking a break from healing to heal:

• Take a long, clear look at what I do and why I do it. And then don’t stress about it.
• Do things that feel good and intuitively right without forcing it. Let it naturally ebb, flow, and shift.
• Have more heartfelt, non-work-related fun. Thank you to my dear friend Steph who reminded me of The Artist’s Way concept of dating yourself and playing more.
• Go easy on myself. Life is too short to be too rigid.
• There is always an opportunity to be a better listener to our Selves and our bodies, our minds and hearts, and each other.
• Give myself a pat on the back for my efforts. It is not always easy for me to remind myself that I am doing an amazing job, regardless of the outcome. The fact that I am taking my health into accountability and making it a priority is something to be celebrated.
• Respect the power of intention, food, and mindfulness practices – without overdoing them. Recognize their potency and work with them without making them an end-goal, but rather an ongoing investigation.

Healing is an ongoing process and does not result in or warrant a medal of recognition. Healing is for our own physical and mental clarity so that we can be the best versions of our Selves; it is for the sharpening of our attention and skills so that our vessel can effectively transmit and communicate Universal love through our work – whatever that work manifests as – while we exist on this earth, in this lifetime.

It also just feels really good to feel good. Right?

Is there anything in your life that you are currently over-doing, and how can you loosen the reigns little by little to both avoid suffering and cultivate a bit more balance?

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Photo by Grant Henry Media.