The body is only an instrument for the spirit.
Rumi
Body image is conditioned. We made it up. Our judgements around it exist because we were told we need to look a certain way to be desirable.
Body image is a product of white privilege and must be dismantled [in ways that work for us and our own destructive habits] along with collective racism, sexism, corporate corruption, socioeconomic division, homophobia – the list [sadly] goes on.
Body image is unique yet also relatable in some way to everyone, and – not unlike the aforementioned conditioning that we need to rewire – it can be tough to crack. One day we think we’ve conquered our unhealthy physical and mental habits, and the next we’re back at it with shoulds and shouldn’ts, dos and don’ts, punishments and restrictions, jumping back on and falling off the wagon.
It is not our fault for being conditioned to believe that we are only worthy or desirable if we look [or behave] a certain way, but it is up to us to take action and move forward in ways that disassemble these false societal truths.
Case in point: I love and appreciate my body’s capabilities – and encourage others to do the same – yet I am still conditioned to believe that I need to look a specific way as a plant-based female student/practitioner of yoga and meditation.
I revere the fierce and extraordinary female body, and I understand that all bodies shift like the seasons, yet I still fiercely police and judge my own, often feeling like I have failed myself and my health despite my best efforts to control it.
The thing is that we have no control over the outcome or the timeline [bye-bye quick fixes, hello slow and steady]. Our bodies are intelligent miracles and although we can certainly take preventative health measures like eating clean food, we can’t always force our physical and mental mechanics to behave or respond a certain way / by a certain time [i.e. Going to extremes to lose weight / relieve digestive issues / mitigate anxiety / *insert desire* ASAP].
The other thing is that our subconscious might still be conditioned to believe that we are still not enough, despite our best efforts to believe otherwise.
For example: when looking at a recent photo of myself, I consciously knew that it was a sweet and lovely image, but subconsciously thought, “I’m really not a fan of how my arms look.” My second thought and heart chimed in: “What a joyful moment this was! What a gift to have arms!”
Pratipaksha Bhavana from the Yoga Sutras teaches that when we are disturbed by a negative thought, we can cultivate its opposite [i.e. a positive thought, or a silver lining].
Although this by no means implies that we must ignore that which isn’t working for or that which is destructive to our lives / the world [in fact, we must fully witness and experience these things in order to get to the root cause and fully heal], it is certainly a helpful practice in noticing the ways in which we judge ourselves and others.
Instead of being stuck in the unfortunate cycle of condemning the things we wish we could change, Pratipaksha Bhavana teaches us how to recognize the parts of ourselves and our lives that we can celebrate.
My mindfulness practice has supported this work for me tremendously — I am happy to share a few suggestions in hopes that they inspire us all to inquire, recognize what might feel real for us but is not necessarily true, and do whatever we need to do to feel better overall physically / mentally.
It might not happen right away; it might take some elbow grease; it might take reminding ourselves [or taking hints from others] over and over again. But simply by taking intentional action – and being gentle with ourselves in the process – we give permission to others to do the same.
This is a lifelong practice that will ebb and shift like the tide. All we can do is do our best to stick with it, and incorporate bits of the following suggestions into our lives in ways that work for us:
- Revisit what feels real for you versus what is actually true [real for you = I need to be a certain weight or look a certain way to be desirable / truth = I am desirable exactly as I am]. Pay attention to how you treat yourself; to how you see yourself versus how others see you.
- Reprogram the conditioning of what is acceptable, desirable, lovable, beautiful, “right,” “better.” Look and inquire within to discover where / when you might have picked it up and from whom. Acknowledge that it isn’t your fault for feeling this way – it’s just what you were taught. Check out To Be Magnetic for support on how to navigate this deep dive into your Self.
- Reframe whatever isn’t working to benefit you, your family, relationship, community, society as a whole. Commit to cultivating the opposite with your actions – baby steps can make a big difference.
- Reject the social constructs that keep us all on this hamster wheel of not being good enough, fit enough, thin enough, pretty enough. Reject the need to purposefully post 100% flattering photos of yourself. Reject influencers and media that airbrushes bodies and praises perfectionism. Call it out when you see it – just like we need to make others aware of anti-black acts.
- Relinquish clothing items and practices that make you feel bad about yourself. My clothes don’t fit me well right now [maybe longterm?], so I invested in a new [sustainable!] dress that makes me feel like a goddess and am giving items away that are too tight. Read Marie Kondo’s book for inspiration on decluttering physical items that will ultimately declutter your heart and soul.
- Redirect your attention and compliments to a person’s heart / spirit / personality, and quit the comments that glorify weight loss as “looking great / healthy.”
- Rejoice. Celebrate the gift of your functioning body in ways that make you feel awesome – dance, walk, swim, sing, self-massage, do cartwheels or jumping jacks or roll around in the grass.
- Rise up. Raise yourself up to the level or vibration of how you want to feel by doing whatever makes you feel your best [see above]. Without ditching your efforts to take care of yourself, don’t wait and don’t rely on achieving your desired outcome to make you feel better in the future when you can feel good in other ways right now. I want to have a home by the sea someday [soon], so in the meantime I make it a point to walk outside to a local park every day – even if I just pass by a piece of nature.
- Rinse and repeat. Practice makes practice. There is no wagon to fall off of. It’s a wild, non-linear roller coaster ride, so buckle up and be prepared for an adventure.
Lastly, here are some body image inquiries to consider during a meditation practice, to be held in a space of loving awareness [use the framework of the Loving Awareness or Wings of Awareness meditations for guidance]:
- How do you view yourself and your body?
- Is there something about your physical appearance you feel like you need to fix / change / enhance to be better / worthy / good enough / desirable?
- What are the emotions attached to this desire to fix your physical appearance? What does this most need right now? Can you be with it?
- Where might you have picked this up, and from whom? What did you most need then? Can you be with that too?
- What do you most desire underneath wanting to look a certain way [i.e. to be loved / seen / heard / understood]? How do you ultimately want to feel regardless of how you look?
- What can you do to feel good in this moment to show yourself that there is no need to wait for your body to change in order for you to be worthy of receiving that which you most desire?
My hope is that we keep empowering each other to unlearn toxic, conditioned behaviors and beliefs around women’s bodies, black lives, and what a standard cookie-cutter life timeline should look like [especially for women].
May we care for and celebrate our bodies as best we can. May we carve our own imperfect paths along the way.
Follow Evelyn Tribole, Sarah Pachelli, Jameela Jamil, Willow Jarosh, and Isabel Foxen Duke for more information and inspiration on this sensitive yet imperative discussion.
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Onward.
Photo: Jardin des Tuileries, Paris, France.
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