self consciousness

being conscious of our Self

To be honest, I am still uneasy about posting photos of myself in a bathing suit; I’m not very comfortable posting photos of myself in general. In middle and high school, I remember the shame I felt wearing and being seen in a bikini – why were my hips wider than the size of my waist and why did my thighs touch? Why didn’t I have abs like Gwen Stefani? It was a treacherous time of comparison, judging, and self-consciousness that has left an imprint on my habits to this day.

I’m no longer throwing myself a pity party. The lessons I continue to learn from these ingrained patterns constantly challenge me to ask myself things like why does this self-conscientiousness matter? Why is it so important, and why will the desired outcome of my self-conscientiousness make me happy?

When we say we’re self-conscious, as I would describe my teenage Self, usually we mean we are hypersensitive of ourselves as a person and what others think of us [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][in my case, it’s what I think of myself], be it our image or personality.

As I took a closer look at this, I realized that being Self Conscious as two separate entities can imply a less negative connotation. We can be conscious of our Self inside and out, in a way that is non-judgmental, is spacious, compassionate, and nourishing. We can get to know our Self and be conscious of who we are, why we do certain things, and what is best for us.

Easier said than done, I get it. Becoming friends with our Self might not come so easily. Working towards a consciousness of what is really going down within us can often be scary to come to terms with, accept, and live with. I’m not particularly proud of the fact that I was so ashamed of my body and still struggle with the ways in which I judge myself. Many of us purposely lose touch with our Selves for that reason and cloud the truth with external comforts, be it alcohol or getting involved in someone else’s issues to avoid our own.

The work is ongoing: becoming conscious of your Self and the forces bigger than your Self [be it God or the Universe or whatever that means to you], acknowledging and accepting your Self despite what you learn, extending that practice toward others, and doing it all over again when you start to lose touch.

There’s an awareness in us that “never sleeps,” but that doesn’t mean that we’re all as constantly conscious as someone like Buddha. Self Consciousness is like those rolling hamster balls. Sometimes we pause and contemplate, sometimes we cruise on smooth terrain or struggle through bumpy roads, and sometimes we tumble down a flight stairs to eventually land and do it all over again.

As I continue to get to know my Self throughout the various highs and lows of life, I am growing more aware of what makes me feel good, what’s important to me and why, and how a meaningful life no longer equates with my perception of my body image. I’m also increasingly reminded to lighten up, because life goes by pretty damn fast.

These are a few ways I bring myself back down to earth when I feel my intangible ego hovering above my conscious Self:

• Ask yourself Why? For example, why am I pressuring myself to be or look a certain way, and why does it matter?
• Ask yourself How? For example, how will the result of what I am seeking [i.e. being thin, having a certain job, etc] benefit my life and my wellbeing?
• Look at your body or envision it, and remind yourself why you appreciate it. Thank it for all it does for you on the inside [like digesting your food, moving your muscles, breathing, keeping you healthy + alert] instead of wishing it would look or be a certain way on the outside.
• Remember that how you perceive your Self may be completely different than how someone else perceives you [read my last article on perspective]. Ask your Self why either of these viewpoints matter to you, and if they benefit you in any way.
• Recognize the difference between how you look on the outside versus how you feel on the inside. Which is more important to you for the quality of your life?
• Breathe. Come back to your breath – it’s always there for you and it won’t judge you. The more you can connect with your breath, the deeper you can get to know and accept your Self.

How do you become more conscious of your Self, and why is it important to you?

Read my August 2.0 newsletter for a discount on a fun summer yoga party, a super tasty acai bowl recipe I recently made for me and Meiko, and check out her new single Be Mine from her upcoming album. You’ll also find a fun new line of yoga tees from my SYNC Studio friends + more!

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