guilt be gone
When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless.
Pema Chodron
Yoga Sutra 2.16 says that future suffering is avoidable. Fortunately, we can do our best to choose how we want to feel – all things considered – in the present and future. Unfortunately, past hangups can cause us to subconsciously suffer in the present and future, and I can safely assume that we have all been there.
Self-inflicted suffering usually stems from gripping onto someone or something in the past so tightly that the mere thought of it in the present moment causes grief, dis-ease, and physical or mental discomfort, among other undesirable symptoms.
Most of us most will likely find memories in the nooks and crannies of our mind that, at the time, resulted in feelings like shame, anger, remorse, and especially guilt. Whether or not we actually or accurately remember them, they take up major storage space; once those closeted doors fly open, the junk spills out into a big old mess.
I personally feel that we all have habitual tendencies to let painful experiences sit and fester, which might manifest as anything from gut issues to headaches to phobias, and so on. Even if and when we intend to clear the space and cultivate a clean slate of non-suffering, the cycle will continue if the pattern itself remains.
So can we learn, perhaps, to cultivate the opposite and avoid future suffering by observing our experiences for what they are/were, forgiving them or our Selves or another? Can we do our best to move forward with the awareness that we do not have to suffer in order to receive forgiveness or unconditional love?
The spark that illuminated this forgiveness forecast was, strangely enough, a celebrity Pastor. My boyfriend was watching the news and left to grab the laundry, and as one program ended the church program began. I instinctively went to change the channel, but the story he had started to tell intrigued me, and so with a skeptical grin I challenged myself to listen.
The basic message was that God [whatever God means to you] wakes up fresh every morning without punishing us for past sins – no repenting required. We might instinctively grip onto guilt because we subconsciously feel we should suffer for things we are ashamed to have done, which are all past experiences that cannot be reversed.
He finished his analogy by suggesting that the result of not allowing our Selves forgiveness and unconditional love will strip others of permission to accept the same. It is as if we are not deserving of love or forgiveness until we do something good, and so we must pay for our mistakes or wrongdoings.
When I say forgive and remember, I am not necessarily insisting that we remember every single detail of both illuminating and disgraceful experiences. I am instead suggesting that we remember our worth, our ability to forgive our Selves and others, and that all of this is unconditional.
I am also aware that this is not always easy – how do we forgive things like terrorism, hurtful statements, hateful acts, violence, intolerance, ignorance? Although I do not yet have an exact answer, I feel very strongly that it has to begin with our Selves. We can remember to start small, extend it outward when it feels natural, and keep returning to our Selves over and over again.
This article for The Chopra Center, which appeared in my inbox this week as I began contemplating Forgiveness, explains that “If you can forgive and forget, that’s great. However, this isn’t necessary. If someone has harmed you, forgiving doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life with them. If the person committed a crime, forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean he or she should not be legally punished. Forgive, but use your common sense. Learn from the experience.”
Thich Nhat Hanh wrote “The Kingdom of Heaven is on Earth.” Just as Jesus Christ reminds his followers that their sins are forgiven, Pema Chodron’s quote above reminds us that our capacity for love is limitless if we allow our heart to be touched without requirements or conditions.
Whatever our religion, beliefs, or practices, I encourage us all to forgive as best we can – whether or not we choose to forget – and remember everyone’s worthiness for unconditional love.
What does forgiveness mean to you, and how can you remember to both accept and offer it?
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Photo: Lokrum, Croatia.
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