from energy to reality

believe it to see it

We are sun and moon, dear friend; we are sea and land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is: each the other’s opposite and complement.

Hermann Hesse

When I was in Sicily a few weeks ago, I placed my hands on the twisted trunk of a beautiful tree, took a breath and said “thank you.” I waited to feel something. Anything.

What was I waiting for? A lightning bolt Aha! moment? An electric current? Angels? A vision? A voice? A sign?

During this waiting period I acquired one mosquito bite. An instantaneous itch. Was that the message then – to chill out and just pay attention?

As we walked from the park to the train station, my mom was talking to me and I very suddenly felt an imprint of the tree bark on my hands. It was as if in that moment the tree was under my palms and sent some form of buzzing energy up through my arms.

Unsure of the message… but ready and willing to listen. Maybe that’s all we can do: be aware and open to receiving, whatever that looks or feels like to us. Some might hear words; others might see colors and images or feel varying sensations in the body.

A few years ago in the middle of teaching my yoga classes I experienced intensely realistic flashes of me walking down old town alleys in France or Italy, as though time split and I was in both places at once. Sometimes I was viewing the back of my body as I walked down these streets, like I was watching myself from behind, following my footsteps.

This beautiful yet terrifying time-warp would often happen in the middle of a sentence. I would have to stop moving and touch the wall to calm down and ground myself back into the classroom. I didn’t know if I would sink or float, barf or faint, die or become enlightened.

Walking down a shaded alley after a swim in Cefalù’s icy sea on that same day in Sicily, I felt the sun on my back, heard the hum of Italiano and metal utensils clinking behind kitchen screen doors, slid my feet across the stone pathway. I felt so much love in my heart i could have burst.

Was this a manifestation or an actualization of my past visions – was it my premonitions playing out – was it a dream or reality (or both)? Does it make a difference if I define it?

After having the great honor of visiting Cokodra Rai in Bali last October, Dr. Kantor advised me that it wasn’t necessary to have thoroughly analyzed our meeting, or to have had a bamboozling mystical outcome – the important thing was simply to have experienced it at all.

Sometimes I feel guilty for being so fortunate. Sometimes I feel so worried about being present in the moment that I wind up feeling guilty for not having been 100% present. Contradictory, I know.

What’s the point of this guilt? It serves no purpose other than putting unnecessary anxiety on my system. What if I could instead receive the joy of these gifts without feeling unworthy or undeserving, and use that loving energy to serve my community?

A student of mine recently read Tarot cards for me, and at the end reminded me that – although it’s not an excuse to forego service or kindness – all of us are deserving, regardless of successes or triumphs or how hard we work to achieve.

If we feel undeserving, we are either comparing ourselves to what others did to be deserving or are judging others as to why they are undeserving, too (both of which are human and natural). As such, we put that energy out into the world and continue down a spiral of “not enough,” whereas we can instead do our best to both receive and give openly without fear, judgement, or the karmic expectation of getting something better in return.

Who knew what those visions during my yoga classes meant – if I was experiencing a dual reality or seeing the future or just experiencing a former memory of a past happy place (Europe) in a current happy place (teaching yoga). I do know that when I start to feel stressed or unworthy, life feels a bit blocked and challenging, whereas when I relax into myself and body and heart, life flows as easily as those visions flowed from my brain into waking life.

Everything is energy. No need to work extra hard to seek answers or expect epiphanies.

We all have intuitive abilities and instincts, coincidences and magical moments – however simple or magnificent – all of which are fluid so long as we don’t clog them with false truths (i”I’m not worthy”), stress, and negativity. That’s why we practice mindfulness – so that when we get stuck, we know how to clear the air, take out the proverbial trash when it starts to pile up, rinse and repeat.

Although things like trainings. books, mentors and coaches (hi it me) are helpful to sharpen our internal and external awareness, we must not forget that we have insightful tools within us, and that our own thoughts and energy create our own reality – not someone else’s. We are the writer, producer, editor, cinematographer, casting director (etc) of our own movie. The captain of our ship.

Be aware of what you receive and offer up. Be willing to receive the messages and the joy.

Remember that you deserve the joy – however big or small. By not rejecting it, you energetically give others permission to free themselves of useless guilt or worry, too. Use that extra energy as love fuel to be a source of compassion to your Self, our planet, and each other.

What messages are you receiving, and/or how is your energy creating your reality today?

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Photo by Grant Henry Media for harMonica Design, Brooklyn NY.