*Photo above: teaching yoga on behalf of SYNC Studio for Wanderlust 108 at McCarren Hotel & Pool, wearing Hyde.
Complaining about anything holds you in the place of refusing to receive the things you’ve been asking for. Justifying about anything holds you in the place of refusing to let in the very things that you’ve been asking for. Blaming someone holds you in the place of refusing to let in the things that you’ve been asking for. Feeling guilty, feeling angry, it doesn’t matter what you call it; it is a refusal, not a conscious one. You’re asking; you can’t help but ask. The Universe is yielding, it must yield. It’s a big question, folks: why aren’t you letting it in?
-Abraham Hicks
Friends and strangers have recently been sharing with me, without me asking them about it, stories of struggles and issues around the way they perceive their bodies. It breaks my heart to hear this because I want them to see what I see, to realize they are loved beyond what they perceive on the outside.
I know what a pain it is to constantly feel pummeled with body image anxiety. I’ve shared with you before my own ups and downs around this emotional topic, which I keep telling myself I am very much DONE with, yet it continually sneaks up just when I think I’ve defeated it.
Believing we have to win a battle as if we’re fighting something, however, is like putting a bandaid on a problem, which will not create lasting changes in the long run. We’ve seen what wars have done to the world, which is no different than persistently throwing punches at our own Selves.
So how do we work with and befriend this very stubborn, self-deprecating, unnecessary beast? How do we encourage loved ones who constantly judge their appearance that they are adored for their soul, not based on what size pants they’re currently fitting into or what they see in the mirror?
This is an ongoing conversation, but for the time being I would like to share three simple reminders we can turn to in times when we feel overwhelmed by this sticky predicament:
1. Make nice with your issues.
Instead of squashing this or any issue, I think it’s imperative to treat it like a friend: talk to it, listen to and have compassion for it, take it by the hand and move forward alongside it.
I mentioned earlier that crushing the issue does not mean it will go away forever. Often it is so ingrained in us that it pops back up just when we think we’ve conquered it.
Pushing issues aside is a quick fix to the bigger, root issues that are buried deep within, and we have to be willing to hang out with those problems so we know how to relax around them instead of trying to lock them out. Trust me – they will bust right through those locks.
When we learn how to give attention to our issues without judgement, we’ll no longer feel the need to battle them, and they may even fizzle on their own. If not, we will know how to work gently with them whenever they unexpectedly knock on our door.
2. Look at your Self beyond and outside of your body.
We are all a soul, first and foremost. The physical stuff came later as we magically [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][or scientifically – per your beliefs] developed into a human form before even being born into this world.
When we were babies, do you think we cared about how we looked? Hell no, we were too busy guzzling milk to keep our itty bitty bodies strong, exploring the world with our eyeballs and these strange new limbs. We didn’t look at our growing legs and think, “I drank way too much milk today, my thighs are hideous.”
When the issues come knocking, what if we could step back and have a conversation with our baby or soul Selves, as if we were just an observer? What might you see as a viewer of the situation you’re in? What might you notice about the ongoing body image issues that creep up and how they relate to other aspects of your life [without judging them, of course]?
When we view our circumstances from an outside perspective, we might be able to see our experience in this lifetime beyond our physical Selves, beyond the way our body looks, beyond the way in which we uniquely perceive our bodies [which is often very distorted]. From there we can notice how much more of a whole human we are beyond the muscles and bones that hold us together.
3. Love your many non-physical qualities.
Our bodies are a vessel for our soul and heart, which serve their purpose here on this earth via our physical structure.
This is one of the many reasons why we must stop giving the way we look so much power.
Losing a certain number of pounds or looking a certain way will guaranteed NOT fix the root issues that are causing you to judge your appearance in the first place, so instead of waiting for and relying on these things to make you happy, what are the qualities you can love about yourself as you are right now?
Quit blaming yourself for how you should or shouldn’t look – your appearance does not define you and does not ultimately matter in the grand scheme of life. Instead, appreciate the qualities that come from your soul and heart, like being a great listener, the various ways in which you serve others, or what a pro you are at giving hugs or high fives.
When we give more attention to the qualities we love about our Selves instead of what we see in the mirror, these attributes shine and we’ll recognize the ways in which these internal qualities serve us. We’ll also hopefully notice how harshly judging the way we THINK we look externally serves us not one bit. We’ll learn to feel versus perceive.
Really though, what is the point of self-judgement based on our appearance? Looking a certain way does not have to equate with feeling happy. If we can get in touch with how we’re feeling in other areas of our live, we might be able to make the connection with why we’re basing those issues on how we feel about our looks.
We are all so much more than our appearance, and we can choose NOT to rely on our looks to make us happy. Consider all of the other things you love about your life and you’ll recognize how full it is beyond the way you perceive your body.
What do you do to appreciate your Self, to love your body as it is now instead of loving it later after you lose X lbs? How do you offer this love and support to others so they might do to the same?
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