mindfulness tools to befriend your body

I have been broken and have failed so many times that my sense of identity has sprouted and peeled like an onion. But, because of this, I have lived more than my share of lives, and feel both young and old at once, with a sudden heart that cries just to meet the air. Now I want to stand naked before every wind, and though I’m still frightened I will break, I somehow know it’s all a part—even the fright—of the rhythm of being alive. You see, no one ever told me that as snakes shed skin, as trees snap bark, the human heart peels, crying when forced open, singing when loved open.

Mark Nepo

My hope for you at the end of exploring this personal topic is that you feel equipped with mindfulness tools that help you to notice your own conditioning around food and body image, using practices like meditation to guide us as we move through them – both as individuals and a collective.

This simple act of becoming more aware of these limiting beliefs is powerful in and of itself, especially when we come together to shift the conditioning as a community.

First, I feel we must acknowledge the role that privilege plays in this topic. I invite you to be mindful throughout this conversation and in your own reflections how socioeconomic and racial disparities can be taken into account as we begin to uncover whatever conditions have influenced our relationship with our bodies, BIPOC bodies, food, fitness, wellness, etc. Layla F. Saad, Rachel Cargle, Ruth King, and Dive In Well are great resources in exploring this further.

Secondly, let me remind you that – whether or not you feel like you are working with body-image issues in particular – you are not broken. We are all whole and complete as we are. I hope I can be here to remind you of your innate wisdom in mind and body, and also to support you as you [re]discover that light.

This is a work in progress for me – it may always be as such, and that doesn’t mean that something is wrong with me (trust me – I am reminding myself of this daily).

Thanks to mindfulness practices like yoga, meditation, and health coaching, I have been able to cultivate some useful tools that help me to ground when I’m feeling anxious; to understand and care for the deep conditioning we’ve all been a victim of; to recognize the deeper desires underneath the fear of food and weight as I do my best to shift from comparing myself to filtered and photoshopped social media photos to feeling embodied in my own unique body exactly as it is – whether I am currently feeling “good” about it or not.

Before I get into the road bumps and detours leading directly to powerful albeit difficult lessons – I think it’s important to ask ourselves what the concepts of “self-love” or “body love” or even “body neutrality” means to you?

Which leads to further self-inquiries like:

Could we maybe allow ourselves to feel things as they ebb and flow, without trying to resist our bodies or our experience, but also forgiving ourselves if and when we do?

Could we aim to love ourselves exactly as we are moment to moment, but also recognize when we are desperately trying to fit into what our surrounding media and culture has taught us, and cut ourselves some slack if and when we feel judgemental or conflicted about how we should look / what we should eat?

Which leads to mindful lessons:

Upon a lot of reflection over the years – especially within the boom of the wellness industry, and as I’ve mentioned previously – it becomes more and more evident how much we have been conditioned concerning what is acceptable or desirable; which is also part of that bigger conversation about privilege and disparities.

Obviously it’s pretty easy to fall into the black hole of how we “should” look, feel, eat, act, be. We don’t need to be so hard on ourselves for obsessing over this stuff, because it’s just what we learned growing up.

Other “mistakes” I’ve made include ideals like relying on or thinking I had found the forever antidote to maintaining my weight and digestion – like there was one perfect answer that “fixed” or would hopefully fix it all, only to have it not work or to have symptoms reverse on me later down the road.

The thing is – per Ayurveda’s relationship to nature – our bodies shift like the seasons and intelligently adapt to our ever changing surroundings. The seasons even shift within themselves (like warm winter days or cool summer mornings), not to mention the changing environmental pollutants and toxins our bodies are learning to adapt to on a regular basis.

So if we think we’ve cracked the code and then find ourselves back at square one – it’s not necessary to beat ourselves up (in fact, the beating up of ourselves will only create more stress around the situation).

We can instead acknowledge our body’s innate ability to heal itself, do our best to assess what it needs based on our assessment of how our environment has changed, and do our best to continue to harmonize with all of these components through both food and mindful lifestyle practices. Again – the first step is just simply being aware.

Another misconception I often have to remind myself of is that our body’s shape and weight does not necessarily equal the amount of or even what kind of food we consume.

Dr. Rangan Chatterjee said in a recent podcast interview that we are often missing the point when we prescribe people a one-size-fits-all diet idea, because weight could be a result of so many other factors, especially when it comes to things like stress, trauma, and socioeconomic circumstances, or it might just be in a happy homeostasis at a specific size that is uniquely best for you. Give yourself a bit of a break if you’re eating all the greens yet don’t end up looking like the filtered Instagram fitness influencers.

I also recently began to quit the clothes that no longer fit me or didn’t make me feel good; whatever pieces felt like I had to squeeze into them. How is this related to mindfulness? If we are very simply aware of how we feel in the moment, we can then make a more conscious decision on the actions we take based on what makes us feel good versus not so good.

I encourage us to let go of the items that no longer serve our physical and mental wellbeing in any way and invite in whatever pumps us up – I love apps like Poshmark for this to swap and buy second-hand, which supports the planet by limiting extra waste to boot.

And finally – something I think many of us can relate to – there is the false perception of thinking we will be loved and appreciated, and even HAPPIER by being a certain weight. Insert sigh of relief here, because A. you are not alone if you feel this way, B. attraction and what looks “good” or “healthy” is relative (think about personal wide range of preferences for food and taste, hairstyles, trends, lifestyles, etc), and C. this is something we straight up made up and so we can literally create the opposite truth if we maintain the intention to do so.

Might I add that we are also 100% allowed to love ourselves exactly as we are WHILE ALSO holding the desire to look and feel good? Where it gets tricky is when the latter overpowers or negates the former, and this is where the mindfulness practices come in.

So how do we use mindfulness tools to help us to notice our own conditioning around food and body image WHILE ALSO appreciating ourselves as we are, using practices like meditation to help us move through them whenever they come up?

For me, the first step is overall awareness. Dr. Joe Dispenza often reiterates that we can’t become the person we want to become if we are unaware of the thoughts, emotions, and habits that hold us back from achieving that desire.

And so, I encourage you to check in with yourself with questions like these:

• How are you feeling on the inside, regardless of how you look (energized, fatigued, anxious, etc)?
• What do you need right now underneath the desire to control your food or body shape?
• What does food and body image represent to you? Stability or security? Indecisiveness? Lack of control? “Good” or “bad”? Fear?
• Who taught you / where did you learn that it matters so much to eat or look a certain way?
• What do you tell yourself about yourself in relation to your body (i.e. “I always eat too much so I’ll never lose weight.”)? What can you say to yourself based on how you want to feel about your body (i.e. “I always eat just enough to feel nourished in body and mind.”)?
• Who is punishing you for your choices or appearance, and why? If it is yourself – why is what you are doing or how you look “unacceptable”? If someone else – what insecurities might they be projecting onto you (for example: their own lack of control/their own fears)?
• What do you currently love about your body, your life? How does it make you feel when you’re NOT constantly judging yourself around it?

There are also mindful habits you can practice as often as possible:

• If you notice that you judge yourself, then you judge yourself for judging yourself, ultimately just do you best to forgive yourself. We’re all doing our best to be human, and even if we end up achieving the thing we are trying to fix or the thing we desire, there is typically another thing to fix and another desire right around the corner.
• My Ayurveda mentors have all stressed the importance of eating in a mindful and relaxed way, sitting down versus on the move, without distractions versus scrolling social media or emails, paying attention to and chewing and appreciating our food versus thinking about what we “should” or “shouldn’t” be eating. This of course depends on the circumstances, so all we can do is make an effort and see how it works for us.
• Know you’re not alone, even when you feel otherwise. If your family or friends don’t understand you or judge you, know that they are likely unconsciously reflecting their insecurities on you; that they may not know how to express that they care for you. Seek support through groups like Alanon or one-on-one coaching and therapy. Lean in, honor your feelings and needs, try to hold whatever comes up with curiosity and compassion.
• Remember that we need nutrients from food and water to survive and function optimally. Food is not bad. Food is fuel, and you deserve it.
• Recognize the miracles of and appreciate our bodies and all that food does to nourish us. Give thanks for the gift of having food on the table. What a joy to be hungry for nourishment; to enjoy tasting and experiencing the act of eating or sharing a meal – whether we are alone or with others.
• Give yourself full permission to mess up and turn to Nature / Source / Divine / Name-your-Higher-Power for guidance over and over again along the way.

How will you infuse some of these practices into your life and practice loving your body?

Contact me for support on meal-prep hacks, cultivating a kind relationship with food, and more.

*I will be donating 10% of my earnings from May 2021 to Give India’s campaign to send food to families – via cooked meals and ration kits – who are struggling with the current health crisis. Visit my offerings for more information, or consider other methods of supporting the birthplace of Yoga, Ayurveda, Vedic Astrology, Vastu, and many other special spiritual practices we benefit and learn from.

Read the newsletter for a delicious breakfast toast inspo, upcoming yoga classes, a new guided meditation to connect with and cultivate compassion for your body, Sakara’s 4-week Healthy Body Project with start-dates on Mondays in May, ways to support India, mindful living resources, and good vibes.

Photo: Yasmina Schoueri / Kaysersberg, Alsace, France / February 2021.