What we care for, we will grow to resemble. And what we resemble will hold us, when we are us no longer…
“The Overstory” by Richard Powers
So many of us were unfortunately conditioned to believe that how we look is tied to our worth. This can be triggered during the holiday season especially, in all its baked-goods glory – not to mention dressing for and consuming at various gatherings, and the sometimes stressful energy in general.
Even if we consciously know that our body does not truly define our worth, our subconscious mind might still get stuck there. It’s not our fault if we’ve been taught as such, but we can do our best to take responsibility by recognizing false beliefs [or any of our harmful perceptions] and committing to unlearning it.
The process of redefining our worth in this way is nuanced and definitely not linear.
For example: I do sincerely appreciate my body’s physical resiliency, it’s strength and flexibility, the miracles it performs on a daily basis without me having to tell it what to do.
I am also sincerely working with the aforementioned deep-seeded conditioning around it’s shape: needing to look a certain way in order to be attractive, desirable, valued, appreciated, good enough.
Does anyone else relate?
I am devoted to the path; sometimes I struggle with it; sometimes I accept and honor it; sometimes I check out and watch something funny on the interwebs or call a friend or play the ukulele.
It doesn’t have to be limited to either toxic positivity or negative hatred; bypassing or wallowing; succeeding or failing. It can simply be the roller coaster of emotions that is me / all of us.
Mindfulness practices like yoga and meditation have helped me to not only cultivate a sense of equilibrium in tumultuous times, but also to accept the occasional tumultuousness; to be with and acknowledge the process of unlearning these harsh beliefs and behaviors — no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
Here’s how I currently try to and plan to celebrate my body for what it is instead of waiting for or pushing it to be something it isn’t:
- Appreciate it’s physical capacities. How amazing that I can walk, swim, dance, and practice yoga?
- Wear clothes that make me feel good. It seems so simple, but donating or gifting the pieces that no longer fit relieves so much pressure [physically and mentally].
- Marvel at its innate brilliance. How incredible that it can digest and breathe and do its best to regulate when it is out of balance – all on its own [and with support when needed, too].
- Forgive it for not being 100% perfect 100% of the time. We can be really hard on ourselves whether we want to look for feel a certain way, and this will only exacerbate suffering. Why not extend compassion in lieu of perpetuating toxic perfectionism?
- Love it for its consistent resiliency. Humans hold a lot of emotion in our bodies via the complex network of our nervous system that regulates both physical and mental states along the spectrum, from elation to indifference to dis-ease. We’ve come a long way together, me and my body. She’s a tough cookie and has a huge heart.
- Keep trying to cherish what I’ve got, because it’s all temporary anyway. No point in spending our lives using our energy toward being disgraced by our physical vehicle, which will eventually dissolve anyway.
- Remind myself that we are all so much more than a body. This [all of it] is easier said than done – especially with social media comparison traps – but why not try to keep [re]turning to our hearts instead of judging our Selves or others based on appearance?
- Remember that not everything is under our control. Often the shape of our body has nothing to do with how hard we try to change it or how badly we want to look a certain way – especially if we are working with excess stress or hormones or environmental toxicity [among other things, whether obvious or hidden]. Having compassion for both the desire and the way we look / feel in the present moment will help free us of unnecessary pressure.
As one of my beloved teachers Nikki Costello said in class recently, “If we’re going toward transformation, integration is essential.”
Here’s to integrating the bright lights and dark shadows, the veggies and the desserts, and all the feels.
Check my Insight Timer guided meditations and online yoga classes to modify for your mind’s and your body’s beautifully unique needs.
What’s something you are working through and something you appreciate about your bod?
Read the newsletter for cozy and creative toast toppings, my earth-conscious gift guide and discounts on like-minded brands, mindful living tools, and good vibes.
Take good care of your Selves and each other,
xo
S
Photo: Ian Nelson / Grove of the Old Trees / July 2021.
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