…I needed lust, the desire for possessions, vanity, and needed the most shameful despair, in order to learn how to give up all resistance, in order to learn how to love the world, in order to stop comparing it to some world I wished, I imagined, some kind of perfection I had made up, but to leave it as it is and to love it and to enjoy being part of it.
Hermann Hesse, Siddharta
In consideration of the holiday of love that you may or may not have celebrated this past week [or ever], I reflected on what it means to practice love in various ways – for example giving or receiving gifts and blessings from another, physical affection, words of affirmation, actively caring for your Self / another / our planet, and extending forgiveness toward your Self and others.
This means neither passively allowing situations and people to walk all over us [permission to practice setting healthy boundaries], nor bypassing how we feel when uncomfortable situations occur [permission to acknowledge and process your feelings].
Mindfulness Meditation teacher and psychologist Jack Kornfield writes in “The Practice of Forgiveness“:
…forgiveness does not ignore the truth of our suffering. Forgiveness is not weak. It demands courage and integrity. Yet only forgiveness and love can bring about the peace we long for.
When we practice forgiveness individually, we start by recognizing that we have all betrayed and hurt others, just as we have knowingly or unknowingly been harmed by them. It is inevitable in this human realm. Sometimes our betrayals are small, sometimes terrible. Extending and receiving forgiveness is essential for redemption from our past. To forgive does not mean we condone the misdeeds of another. We can dedicate ourselves to make sure they never happen again. But without forgiveness the world can never be released from the sorrows of the past.
As we take note of what this commercialized yet sweet celebration of love means to us – whether you are coupled or single or whatever you want to label it – I encourage us all to consider how to practice this extension of forgiveness as an act of love to your Self and / or the person being forgiven. It doesn’t mean we have to forget the pain or the experience, but perhaps we can at least set it free and lighten our load.
We can do this by doing our best to – as Jack mentioned – recognize that we all have felt hurt by something or someone, just as we may have un/intentionally caused pain to someone else.
When we care for our Selves by stating our needs and boundaries, we might be able to even minimize our suffering in general by setting up the conditions in which we are not a doormat.
When we care for others by noting their errors or disrespectful behavior without shame or blame [as best we can], we might minimize our suffering simply by not hanging onto the resentment we harbor due to someone’s mistake – which could be an actual accident, or a result of their own suffering [i.e. someone saying sharp words to you because they themselves are in pain].
In these ways, forgiveness can be an act of love toward your Self and anyone involved in the equation.
And in these ways, both love and forgiveness can set us free from the pain we experience by holding onto that which we haven’t yet forgiven.
This all might be easier said than done – like many things – but it also might be worth a shot, no?
Where in your life might you be able to forgive yourself or someone else that might release a burden of resentment, fear, longing, or whatever it is that prevents you from experiencing more peace?
Read the newsletter for nourishing restorative yoga practices, details on our upcoming gorgeous France retreat in fall 2022, a loving meditation, mindful living discounts and tools, and good vibes.
Take good care of your Selves and each other,
xo
S
Photo: Grove of the Old Trees, CA / December 2021.
No Comments