[re]connecting with lovingkindness
As we close out the month and approach the close of 2024 – and for the sake of our interdependence (i.e. when we take care of ourselves, we are equipped to take care of others) – we can ask ourselves how connected we feel to ourselves and each other.
It can be meaningful to note if and how we have connected to and stayed true to ourselves and our values this year; if and how we’ve been able to remain grounded and nurtured amidst uncertainties we face as individuals and collective communities.
It might also be interesting to note if and how we have disconnected from ourselves and others; if and how we bypassed our values this year by overlooking how we care for ourselves and others (and our planet!).
The importance of connection is increasingly crucial, especially because there are lots and lots of distractions that disconnect and divide us.
Sometimes it seems like we’re less connected and more divided than ever, even though we are more connected to information sources like never before.
However connected we do or don’t feel to ourselves and each other, there are always ways to reconnect and lessen the division gap – so long as we set the intention and make the conscious effort to do it.
One of these methods can be Metta, or Lovingkindness, which is a Buddhist-derived meditation that sends people good vibes / well wishes / health and happiness.
The caveat being: these well wishes are extended to all beings – yourself included – whether you like them, feel neutral about them, dislike or disagree with them; whether they’re your immediate family or local community or the entire world population (“all beings, everywhere”).
Some traditional Metta phrases can include these ones from Jack Kornfield – replacing “you” with “I” or “all beings” or “we” as the meditation progresses:
May you be filled with lovingkindness.
May you be safe from inner and outer dangers.
May you be well in body and mind.
May you be at ease and happy.
I personally like this practice because it reminds me that, whatever my feelings or perceptions are about a person, they are also a human who feels pain, who suffers, who is sometimes afraid (even if the things they fear are different than me).
Generally speaking: two people’s ideas of what makes a good, safe, healthy life might be in opposition to each other, but neither of them are immune to facing challenges, to having a difficult time, or to losing someone they love.
This definitely does not mean we remain passive or don’t hold people accountable for their actions; it doesn’t mean that we cannot be angry or feel hurt by things people have done that have caused harm or suffering.
We can, however, utilize a practice like Metta to decrease the gap of divisiveness since it humanizes everyone; since it wishes that all beings receive what they need to feel safe, healthy, happy, well in body and mind, free, and at peace.
Valid follow-up question: Why would I want [someone who I think has done terrible things] to feel good or receive life’s gifts after they’ve done [insert harmful action]?
When a person feels safe, healthy, peaceful, etc – they are more likely to act from a place of clarity and compassion instead of reacting from a place of fear – however that fear manifests.
I would love to see what life could be like if more people felt physically and mentally nourished enough to act more consciously in their day-to-day lives – starting with themselves, then with immediate friends and family, then within their extended community, and so on.
We might even have the wherewithal to be more aware of how other people are suffering; why they believe or fear the things they do; why they react the way they do (even if we agree with none of it).
Because the thing is there will always be disagreements, but when we are healthy in body and mind, we might be able to confront our differences with much more awareness and be able to work with each other in less volatile ways – even if we don’t end up getting what we want.
It really does begin with ourselves first: if we are too distracted to look within because we’re too busy looking at what others are doing wrong, then we’ll never come to terms not only with ourselves, but with each other.
Maybe this sounds like Utopian idealism, but if I feel like one thing could be useful for anyone toward the end of any year, it would be for a deeper connection to ourselves (what are my values, and am I living in accordance to them?) and each other (how can I connect to and learn more about others; how can I be of service?).
If the mere idea of Metta feels unnatural or not completely genuine at first, know that it’s normal – it’s not called a practice for nothin’.
The more we practice – or the more a thing is learned – the more habitual things feel, and the more the act of wishing people well can be part of our day-to-day life.
It might even eventually make us feel good to boot (doesn’t it feel nice to wish that someone has a nice day?) – try it and see for yourself.
Enjoy my guided Metta-inspired meditation – informed by my studies with teachers Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach – and explore what Lovingkindness means to you.
Reach out if you need further and more personalized support.
How do you connect to yourself and others; what helps you wish others well (even if you just wish they would agree with you)?
Take good care,
S
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