O longing mind,
Sri Ramakrishna
dwell within the depth
of your own pure nature.
Do not seek your home elsewhere–
your naked awareness alone, O mind,
is the inexhaustible abundance
for which you long so desperately.
I was inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert’s recent Instagram post on going beyond the comfort zone of our normal routine [whatever “normal” means anymore]:
“‘DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT TILL BETTER COMES ALONG.’ …a very wise friend of mine told this to me. And he also challenged me, just for today, to ‘do something different.’ …Because I made a commitment a long time ago to be a good and loving friend to myself, my routine is healthy… but it’s still a routine… And I must admit this: I am so predisposed toward rigidity that even my good habits can become a prison. (“You MUST meditate; you MUST pray; you MUST do yoga; you MUST write; you MUST be an activist; you MUST journal…”) …But what can we do, during a pandemic, when so much of the world is closed off and dangerous? …we can jump in the car and drive an hour and a half, all alone, at dawn, toward the ocean — with no plan. We can skip our prayers and meditation and yoga and emails and responsibilities — and know that God loves us and wants us to be happy… We can borrow sunscreen from the friendly lifeguard, because we didn’t come prepared, but the world provides. And when we get down to the water’s edge, we can take off our mask for a moment, and breathe in God’s ocean. This will do, till something better comes along.”
[Thank you Jess Meltzer of the Indecisively Decisive Podcast for sharing this with me.]
Some of us are predisposed to rigidity [hi hello it me] or are simply just feeling out of sorts lately [also me]. I implore us all to take a step back when things feel wonky – no matter how comfortable we are in our routine [hi: white privilege] – and try something else.
To let go of something we cling to that makes us feel safe.
To try something out of sorts, especially if it is typical for us to try to be and do good all the time.
To be open to a new perspective or practice.
To notice the things that aren’t working – even if we feel like it is the “right” way of doing the thing – and experimenting with a new thing [even if that thing doesn’t end up working, either].
For example: food is one of my love languages and I feel so sad that so many of us criticize ourselves for what/how/how much/why we eat. It is an unfortunate habit of mine to monitor these things closely, and aspects of these healthy practices are currently creating more stress than they are wellness.
When practices that are meant to benefit wellbeing of mind, body and planet end up negatively affecting 2 out of 3 of the main pursuits, it is time to take a step back and consider alternatives.
An alternative approach I took in 2017 was Ayurveda, which worked beautifully at first. An unplanned side effect was losing a lot of weight, but I felt like I could digest food well for the first time in a long time. If you’ve ever experienced perpetual long term acid reflux, you know that this concept of a strong digestion is revolutionary.
At the end of 2018, weight fluctuation and hormone/digestive issues snuck back into my existence, slowly increasing in speed and intensity, leaving me confused and uncomfortable at present.
I shifted gears again and took some Ayurvedic tools with me to Unique Hammond’s bean protocol – a science-based miracle meal plan developed by Karen Hurd that has literally saved lives thanks to the magic of soluble fiber.
Several months into a diet of mostly beans and vegetables, eggs and fish, no alcohol, zero sugar or caffeine of any kind, and a lot of warm water, I have yet to reap the benefits that her clients rave about [albeit sometimes after 9+ months of legit patience and commitment]. As my belly grows, so does my urge to give up.
Although it’s important to consider our relationship with food [and life in general], it is unfortunately conditioned in many of our brains to judge ourselves, our actions, and their outcomes. Especially if things don’t work out as planned, vehemently obsessing about healthy food is – in the long run – ironically unhealthy on all fronts.
And yet – we must see and feel suffering in order to heal it [hi/bye white supremacy], and healing it may mean setting foot onto a new path or considering a different route.
Rather than bypass our pain with over-indulging or over-restricting or complete ignorance all together [hi/bye white supremacy], we can do our best to recognize that discomfort exists, look inward, learn and take action accordingly [on repeat] – even if said action feels strange and unfamiliar at first.
And so the past few days in Arles I tried something a little different: I let go into intuitive eating as best I could [still working on it] and dropped my rigidity around Ayurveda, bean protocol, and being/doing all things with impeccable mindful attention in order to prove my goodness.
I tried not to get nervous about timing around food, or cling to the inevitable anxiety that arises when I feel my blood sugar drop, or micromanage how much bread [a lot]/how little beans [next to none] I consumed.
I tried to take my time, chew, be present, consider if I was hungry or full, check in with what my body wanted [fabulous food by my friend Lina Caschetto and local sheep’s milk yogurt!], and go with the flow as best as I could in lieu of sticking strictly to the plan [of which there was none/of which often had to shift anyway].
In attempting this experiment, I noticed my perpetual need to measure my “goodness” via self-regulations like setting a timer whether for exercise and meditation, space between meals, or how long my naps “should” be [cue inner voice: Careful, Sasha – no more than 20 minutes to nap, or else your day is shot!].
And I’m tired of this race against myself to my and society’s perceived goodness – although admittedly not as tired as the black lives who have fought since birth for equality by default.
And so I’m ready to try something different in how I approach these things;
to not be silent about what is actually right [racial justice] versus what we think is right [being cool/calm/collected/nice/easy going all the time/fit and thin and ultra healthy in all the ways].
I’m ready to approach food with my own inner wisdom alongside lessons from sustainability, Ayurveda, and the bean protocol – whether or not I have rigidly adhered to these diets:
Not getting cranky about not fulfilling a craving [or simply sitting with that crankiness].
Eating when hungry.
Diversifying what I eat.
Enjoying nourishing myself whether the flavors are full of spices or simply s+p.
Eating for healing and pleasure alike.
Eating without the agenda of fitting into the category of “thin and fit” and judging my worth by false social standards [standards which also keep white privilege alive].
Eating in ways that work best for me without comparing it to someone or something else.
I’m ready to educate myself in a more meaningful way;
to stop ignoring what hasn’t been working well in society and the fitness/wellness/health industries and in racial injustice;
to redefine what it means to be a good ally to myself and black lives [read Me and White Supremacy] and Mother Earth.
May we recognize if and when we become imprisoned by our “good” habits, let loose a few of our responsibilities that determine said goodness, and remember that God/Universe/Divine/Mother Nature/etc “loves us and wants us to be happy.”
May we savor the moment, the company, the flavors, the privilege to have food on the table and in our bellies along the way.
May we leap into the unknown of doing something differently [until better comes along] – and round and round we go.
Read the newsletter for Vimeo yoga classes on demand, my 4-week virtual meditation series, a new guided meditation on Insight Timer, 20% off one of my favorite meal services Sakara, and my beloved 90s nostalgia playlist.
Onward.
Photo: by Chef Lina Caschetto in Camargue, France.
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