When you love food, but you’re also anxious about it sometimes…
I’ve been on a personal journey with my food relationship since my 20s, when I started to notice unhealthy mindset habits that caused a lot of physical and mental distress – no matter what I was or wasn’t eating at the time.
Similar to taking care of our mindset, we can ask ourselves 4 simple questions to help us care for and nurture our body through our relationship with food.
In my case, I’ve always adored food, especially the way in which it brings us together. But as a dancer and a female growing up in La La Land in the 80s and 90s, I began associating food with how my body looked rather than how I felt.
By 18 – alongside years of conditioning from sneaky ads – controlling food became a way to control my body’s shape and size, which eventually spiraled into fears around not being “healthy enough.”
Spoiler: Results never lasted very long, and I ended up in an anxiety-fueled hamster-wheel of good vs bad foods – even when I was eating exceptionally healthy.
Some foods are, of course, less processed and more nourishing – both physiologically and ecologically – but constant stress can be just as destructive for mind-body health. Caring about what we eat isn’t bad unless it becomes a constant source of stress, anxiety, or self-worth measurement.
Desiring a healthy weight also isn’t inherently bad, either – it just becomes a mental health issue when we tie our worth to how we look rather than how we feel – both physically and emotionally. Weight is just super personal; it can also be highly influenced by stress, hormones, medications, and many other factors.
It took me a lot of experimenting with different diets – alongside a lot of deep self-work, both independently and with support – to feel more equalized around food and eating. Old thought loops still creep up, but now I have tools to navigate them.
One thing I’ve learned about mindfulness in general is that it’s not about completely squashing unhelpful thoughts or habits. It won’t make us 100% zen and chill at all times, because life is not 100% desirable all of the time.
Challenges are inevitable and are often out of our control. We can, however, have more control over – or at least more awareness of – our reactions and choices by learning how to communicate and collaborate with our thoughts.
Mindfulness is about cultivating tools to be able to navigate the challenges we face in life over and over again – whether it’s emotional pain or physical difficulties.
Practicing mindfulness of my relationship with food has been bumpy, but it’s helped me understand myself better, as well as the dysfunctional societal standards and programming that shape our beliefs. Bless our impressionable childhood selves…
Most importantly, learning to practice Self-Care in my relationship with food has allowed me to genuinely appreciate how food nourishes me – and how it connects me to both people and the planet.
Our relationship with food is special because it nourishes us in several ways:
- Nostalgia: Whenever I smell or eat spaghetti with meatballs, I am instantly transported back to my Italian grandparent’s warm and loving kitchen. Joy!
- Physical Health: Whatever our physical ailment or imbalance, Nature can offer an antidote – sometimes also serving as a complement to Western medical care.
- Emotional Health: Whatever our emotional ailment, food can be a soothing balm, even if only temporarily. See also: Nostalgia 🙂
- Ecological Health: Our food choices impact the planet. What we decide to consume can nourish the Earth just as She nourishes us.
- Community: Whatever the occasion or celebration, food connects us to each other and brings us together in unique ways. Food is such a fun way to learn about each other and different cultures – even spiritual rituals and practices.
Whether or not we believe these concepts to be true, a sticky relationship with food can prevent us from reaping the benefits – especially Joy.
Yes, I am still working through some digestive issues, but managing stress has helped a lot. Yes, I am still selective about what I eat – but now I like my choices and myself. And yes, sometimes fears or anxieties reappear.
But! Over time, I’ve learned to care for my Self by shifting mindset and lifestyle habits that trapped me in an undesirable relationship with food. These mindful acts of self-care have transformed how I eat, how I nourish myself, and how I relate to food.
Relationship with Food Self-Care
I know how tough it can be to untangle a complicated relationship with food. We can help unravel these knots by re-examining the 4 Self-Care questions.
Apply these questions to your unique dietary needs, allergies, intolerances, or health conditions, and don’t base your answers on how you think you should feel.
1. How do you currently feel about your relationship with food?
What beliefs about food, diet, eating, or health are limiting you?
Identify the thoughts you have about food – like which foods you label as good or bad.
Focus on any aspect of this relationship that feels particularly sticky – wherever it makes you feel anxious and overwhelmed, or even results in physical symptoms like bloating or nausea.
For example: I feared I wasn’t eating “healthy enough” to avoid gaining weight or getting sick – whether immediately or in the long run.
2. How do you desire to feel about food, diet, and eating?
In your ideal world, how would you ultimately want to feel about food? How would you want to eat and experience food?
Your answer is often the opposite of your response to Question 1 – even if it feels far-fetched or unattainable at first.
For example: I wanted to stop fearing food in regards to my health and weight. I desired to eat in a way that still honored my values, without pressuring myself.
3. What’s getting in the way of this desired relationship with food?
What thought patterns or beliefs keep you from feeling the way you desire to feel about food?
Return to Question 1. What repetitive thoughts, beliefs, or stories you tell yourself reinforce unwanted behaviors and emotions?
For example: My anxiety around good vs bad foods may have contributed to additional undesirable symptoms and amplified existing ones. It created stressful, highly restrictive, addictive, and low self-worth behaviors.
4. What steps can you take to achieve this desired relationship with food?
What daily or weekly actions – whatever practices suit your lifestyle and accessibility – align with your desired relationship with food?
General action steps could be similar to the Mindset Self-Care tools:
- Meditate: Consider themes like forgiveness, gratitude, body awareness, Can I Be With This, Tara Brach’s RAIN, or equanimity.
- Experiment with affirmations: For example “I appreciate how food nourishes me. I am thankful for food and for my strong, functional body. May I be happy and healthy.”
- Journal: Use these 4 questions as prompts, or list what you’re thankful for about food and your body.
- Work with a therapist or coach: Having extra support can help with deep-rooted food and body beliefs.
- Take a calming breath when you catch yourself fixating on food.
- Connect with your childhood self if you feel that blocks or conditioning around food and body image stem from there.
- Eat something new or out of your comfort zone as a way of re-defining what is good vs bad, or healthy vs unhealthy. Gently befriend your fears.
- If you struggle with integrating healthier foods into your life, experiment with more home cooked meals instead of immediately trying to restrict. Add vs remove.
My personal action steps evolved over time via trial and error. If it’s helpful to imagine what specific action steps could look like, here are a few things I did and still do:
- Practiced anxiety-management using various mindfulness, physical, psychological, and physiological tools. Belly breathing helps with food and digestive-related stress.
- Stopped wearing clothes that felt too tight. A simple yet profound revelation!
- Focused on why I genuinely loved eating nourishing foods beyond weight or stressful health concerns.
- Reconnected with my deeper mission of sustainability and planet stewardship in relation to the food I purchase and consume.
- Worked to disconnect my weight and health from my sense of self-worth – tough, but not impossible. I dressed up more, sang, danced, and had fun with friends.
- Got clear on my ideal diet (Mediterranean-ish), my ideal relationship with food (balanced), and my core food values (nourishes body, mind, and planet).
- Got tests to uncover unknown allergies or conditions in case there was something food could ameliorate. Results were inconclusive, so I focused on stress-relief.
- Mindfully explored different supplements, and took in gut-health information with more of a curious, open energy vs a desperate, anxious one.
- Learned which foods or herbs would help soothe digestive discomfort – Ayurveda has amazing remedies – and tried to stop blaming food for how it made me feel.
- Practiced more mindful eating: smooth breaths before and during meals, slower chewing, and tuning into how food made me feel physically and emotionally.
- Gently nudged myself to enjoy foods I once deemed as bad or unhealthy – or that just weren’t typical for me – as long as they didn’t cause digestive discomfort.
Having accountability with this helps, even if it’s just a friend to check in with.
What kind of relationship do you desire to have with food?
What food or meal brings you sincere joy or heartfelt appreciation – regardless if you believe it’s good or bad, healthy or unhealthy?
Reach out for personalized support – 20 minute introduction calls are free.
Take good care,
S
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