Stay the course & reap the benefits
In my experience, a true sense of self-love—versus a “fake” sense where Fixing is confused with Love—results in nourishing self-care practices for body and mind.
Even with a well-stocked self-care toolkit, though, the layers are always unraveling.
Sometimes this self-evolution and growth-related work feels wildly fulfilling, other times it’s absolutely exhausting. Even if we recognize the privilege of being able to do this type of work, it’s still occasionally heavy, sticky, clunky, and super frustrating.
Something I’ve had to come to terms with when approaching my own self-work is that it’s all ongoing. We’re always in a cycle of recalibration—just like cooking, doing laundry, brushing teeth, or washing dishes.
The more willing we are to continually face mundane, irritating, or uncomfortable moments with both presence and compassion, the more clarity and loving acceptance we cultivate for ourselves, each other, and our past / present / future.
As the Zen Buddhist phrase reminds us:
Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
And as the hero’s journey has shown us—whether through real-life experiences or in allegorical tales—the rewards are worth the constant soul-spelunking.
And as an upgraded form of self-love has shown me—which shifts with how we evolve over time—the results are much more nourishing than trying to constantly fix what’s “wrong” with me, with someone else, or with something else.
Rewards of self-love can be similar, but not limited to:
- Being kinder to yourself and others, even if you’re not feeling awesome.
- Not relying on another person or thing for love and security—or anything, really.
- Not relying on perfectionism to make you—or anyone else—“good enough.”
- No longer being intensely triggered by something that used to trigger you—or forgiving yourself without resistance if and when you do feel triggered / reactive.
- No longer negatively reacting in ways that you used to, or bouncing back quicker.
- Trusting yourself and the unfolding of things, without trying to control it all.
- Feeling fear and doing it anyway, without waiting to be “good enough” to start.
Sometimes the road to true self-love, self-care, and self-growth can be beautiful; other times it can be bumpy. Sometimes it’s swift and fluid; other times there are roadblocks and detours.
But it’s never 100% about the destination, anyway, because the journey is what we’re all here for, and we’re always evolving along the way.
And we get to choose how we approach the journey and evolution—so buckle up and onward we go.
How do you feel after practicing self-care or self-love—even when it’s difficult?
What shifts have you noticed about yourself, your habits, or your mindset?
Take good care,
S
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