self care is not selfish

keep showing up

It is under the greatest adversity that there exists the greatest potential for doing good, both for oneself and others.

Dalia Lama

Have you ever had a string of days, weeks or months when you felt stuck in a rut of keeping self-care low on your priorities list – like you are under a general looming dark cloud of of dis-ease – only to one day do something nice for yourself that re-ignites an energizing flame [or at least a spark] of happiness?

My friend Ksenia of Breakfast Criminals recently wrote in her newsletter that self-care is not selfish, and if we are to keep showing up for others in this very profound moment in our country, we MUST begin with our Selves.

Think about it: if you offer to host dinner at your house and then spend all week stressing about preparations, you will most likely not feel rested enough to entertain per your original intention. If, however, you make sure to get good rest and take time for your Self within your planning period, you will probably feel much more nourished and excited about having guests over.

I experienced this on Monday, my 32nd anniversary of life, when I took a quick yoga class with the intention of running home directly after to get back to work. I was enthusiastically encouraged by the teacher friends to go treat myself to a foot massage in a funky Chinatown spa.

Although my immediate instinct was to say I had to get back to work, my excuse was ignored and I was escorted by my friend around the corner to the spa’s door. I reluctantly walked up the stairs to find an explosion of color and a smiling greeter, who promptly walked me into a dimly lit room without having time for me to inquire about cost or time. I was not 100% sold on this idea.

I sat down, still skeptical of my friends’ persistent requests for me to do something nice for myself. Once I surrendered to the experience, I found myself so relaxed I nodded off more than once during the 20 minutes of foot care. I walked out of there feeling the same post-yoga zen we get after taking a great class and a goofy grin, less phased by the brisk temperature and sharp city sounds trying to crack my inner calm. I no longer felt anxiously bound by my to-do list and was less attached to the urgencies I associated with it.

This little slice of my day got me thinking about how many excuses we all make to do something nice for our Selves that does not involve day-to-day activities. If you follow me on Instagram you know I obviously take the self-care act of nourishing my body with whole, healthy foods very seriously. When it comes to special, sporadic treats unrelated to my business and mission of serving others, however, I tend to shy away because I feel pretty good as is.

That being said, feeling “pretty good” often comes with a side of exhaustion after a day of running around teaching class, taking class to enrich my own teaching, reading or writing about wellness headlines and new recipes – all of which are things that assist in nourishing my business, although not necessarily unconventionally thoughtful actions to show that I care about my Self unconditionally beyond what I do for work.

It is often challenging for me, especially in the winter, to go out in the evening after working all day because I power through my gas tank to work on growing my business. My energy reserves are occasionally depleted because I forget that, aside from meditating and eating well and practicing yoga, there are other random acts of kindness I can consider, too.

Although it might seem selfish to take time that could be spent making money to spend a little hard-earned dough on our Selves, take a much-needed nap, or have tea with a friend, it would be more selfish to ignore our wellbeing. When we shut down our human need for attention and compassion, we shut out the ability to give the same to others.

We all have most likely read or heard of studies stressing the importance of time-off [i.e. the elusive European minimum 4 weeks of paid vacation], and when we are sick we all probably know we feel ready to go back to work once we rest. Why wait, though, until we are sick to feel better? If we are continuously tired or malnourished – whether from work, lifestyle habits or relationships – how can we expect to have enough energy to care for someone or something else?

Even though I know that stress [i.e. burnout] is the cause of inflammation – which is the cause of most disease and dis-ease – I push myself and pack my schedule anyway because I am excited and inspired by what I do. What I have to keep reminding myself though is that when I show up for myself in ways outside of work-related self-care, I am more able to effectively show up for my students, clients, friends, family, and the world at large.

Key word: unconditional. There need not be excuses for doing something nice – even if unplanned and for no apparent reason – for our Selves. It does not mean we need to immediately run out the door and buy a massage or piece of jewelry, but it does mean that we all deserve our own personal love and support so that we can extend that same love and support to those we come into contact with.

Y’all probably know how good it feels to get a big smile from a stranger, have a random heartfelt conversation, or be on the receiving end of an act of gratitude. Are we not all more likely to pay it forward when we are feeling energized and loved?

Lastly, in relation to keeping our bodies healthy so we can show up for others – I was lucky enough to participate in the Women’s March a few weekends ago in D.C. with my fellow yoga teacher friends Aditi and Caroline. We all came well-stocked with healthy eats to ensure that we would feel fueled for a day of standing up for our rights.

During the 7-plus hours that we were there, we took turns holding our heavy snack-filled backpack with Caroline’s husband and checked in with each other to make sure we were all feeling OK. Because we nourished our own bodies, were were not only able to watch out for one another, but were also capable of staying alert from the time our 4:15 am alarms woke us up throughout a day of marching all over D.C. until our 10 pm arrival time back in Brooklyn.

On our drive there it was revealed that each of us had our doubts and fears about going. Thankfully we made sure to take care of ourselves the week prior, despite busy schedules – even two foot minor injuries – which allowed us to show up for each other in the face of our reserves.

Although I have the heart of a tree-hugging activist, I had never done anything like this before. I am so grateful I felt empowered and healthy enough to do the damn thing even though part of me was nervous.

It was a day I will never forget, and it has inspired me to keep showing up for myself to ensure I feel strong enough to show up for our incredible, diverse, colorful, powerful, brilliant, beautiful country and its people.

And if any of these anecdotes have yet to resonate with you – per the Dalai Lama’s advice in the quote above, it is often under these tough-to-swallow circumstances that there exists an incredible opportunity to take care of our Selves and one another.

So I ask us to ask our Selves during this month of celebrating love – if you were married to yourself, what would you vow to do in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad? How would you show up for your Self so that you could more effectively show up for your partner, loved one, guardian, colleague, family member, friend, country, world?

If you want to stand up for our fundamental rights in other ways, follow the Women’s March 100 Days campaign for simple action steps, or sign up for Daily Action.

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Photo by Pete Lott at Sound Off Experience’s AWAKE + ACTIVATE event with Rockstar Shaman at the W Hotel, wearing Hyde organic cotton shala tank and Teeki unicorn pants.