Why bother about the rays of yesterday? They have been absorbed, digested; they have become part of the green, the red, and the gold. The tree is enjoying this morning’s sun, with no psychological memory of yesterday. Although the yesterday is contained in the leaves, in the flowers, in the branches, in the roots, in the sap. It is contained! And the future is also coming: the new buds, which will become flowers tomorrow, are there. And the small new leaves that will become foliage tomorrow are there, on the way. The present moment contains all. Now is eternity.
Osho
stay present with the present moment
Nikki Costello, inspiring mentor and teacher to many, reminded us in class last week that yoga is not a practice of gaining, rather it is a practice of shedding what is no longer the truth.
When we are able to be fully present with our Selves, situation, bodies and environment as they are right now, whether they feel good or bad or blissful or excruciating, we are allowing the purity and truth of our deepest soul Selves to exist.
I love Osho’s quote above because he puts it so simply: yesterday is gone but its imprints are here in the present moment; the future is here, on its way. Regardless, the tree is chillin’ and enjoying the sun today, because that is what is happening right now.
Why then get worked up about what happened in the past [guilt], or what is unknown that may or may not happen in the future [worry]? These two emotions cause serious stress, and stress is a primary cause of inflammation, and numerous studies show that inflammation sparks dis-ease.
Circling back to removing what is no longer honest per my teacher’s sound advice – neither past/guilt nor future/worry are necessarily 100% true. Our experiences create unique perceptions, which imprint current images based on what we remember [past] or expect [future], and when we keep a kung fu grip on either one of them we may end up with a convoluted truth.
I believe that yoga is sometimes falsely personified as an ongoing ultra-zen state of being, free of all thoughts that pollute the mind. Even though this is perhaps the state of enlightened gurus, like us they still experienced some amount of human life, which we all know is rich with every extreme across every one of our senses, whether tangible or metaphysical.
From my understanding, studies and experience, yoga is the practice of being with all of that stuff so fully that we learn to observe things objectively, which may or may not lead to a more easeful experience because we are unlinked to these things emotionally and physically. As we detach and witness, a truth or purity emerges from the essence of our Selves, unleashing outer shells and layers that might have temporarily hid it from our view.
This does not mean that yoga is easy-peasy lemon squeezy, or that once we learn how to see our own light we are then enlightened. It takes fierce practice and whole-hearted, committed, continuous work throughout this lifetime, and that is OK.
For example – even for someone who knows that by practices like meditation and yoga I can learn to rediscover and be with my truest self – I was deep in the trenches of a seasonal bug last weekend and wondered heavily how I was supposed to “be with myself” when I was feeling like garbage. I would stare up at the ceiling from my spot on the couch, asking my angels/Universe for guidance or lessons or signs, unsure of how to stay present when all I could think about was emptying my sinuses and napping.
This, however, is “all of the stuff” we need to stick with, experience as it is in the moment, not always try to immediately fix but rather feel and then move forward with care. Sometimes it takes being uncomfortable and maybe even a little brave to face it all, but as we do, we also watch it pass, and then move on to the next moment, and the one after that, and so on.
When a lawyer is present and listens to or observes a case thoughtfully, is it not probably easier for them to see clearly and cultivate intelligent answers or actions in direct response to what is observed? Not dissimilarly, when we cover up an honest feeling or emotion – whether with drugs or alcohol or relationships or food or simply shame – do we not then often create a perpetual bandaid to cover up perpetual problems?
I have shared with some of my students that last fall I made a commitment to meditate every day because I knew I planned to incorporate that as part of my Costa Rica retreat; I also aspire to practice what I teach and continue to work on being a more diligent student of yoga. When I was sick I found myself at a crossroads with this game plan, because everything can be excused when you are sick… right?
In this case, though, checking out of my meditation was like admitting to myself, “Nah, I would rather not sit and look at how nasty I feel today; I would rather half-sleep and whine about it and wait to feel better instead.” Imagine someone not wanting to sit with you because they do not like the way you look or do not care to hear how you feel. Copping out of my meditation was no different than pushing someone or something out because we prefer not to see or feel what it is we/they see or feel.
I realized that the point of meditation and yoga in general is not to wait until we feel better to look at our Self. The point is to be able to look at everything and everyone honestly, whether we are in optimal health or suffering with clogged sinuses.
So you can bet your buns I propped myself up on my couch or in my bed for ten minutes on each of my sick days, even when I was interrupted by the occasional sneeze or cough.
Even though I felt junky, it also felt nice to be with myself in the process. It was kind of like being unashamedly honest about something we really hate being honest about, and then experiencing the relief of just getting it off our chest.
Arguably most importantly, I know that if I can be with my Self, my body and its current state in all situations in all of its truth, whether pretty or horrifying to face, I know I can practice doing the same with others.
Does this mean we passively let things happen to us in order to avoid clouding our internal and external vision? Certainly not. To me this means that we be courageous enough to face things at face value, then move forward in a way that best suits our current state and prepares us well for our future state without getting wrapped up in the unknown or creating unreasonable expectations.
In order to do that, though, we must be prepared to look at whatever it is – however amazing or unpleasant – just as it is.
For those moments if and when I am having trouble grounding into my current body, as though I am whisked away by the uncertainties of the future or plagued by the past, I offer the meditation below I learned in my first 200 hour teacher training in 2011 from Jeanmarie Paollilo:
Sit comfortably on a yoga block or cushion with a tall spine, back against a wall if you need support.
Let your hands rest on your lap, palms up or down, elbows relaxed naturally under the shoulders.
Close your eyes, or pick a soft gazing point a few feet in front of you on the wall or floor.
Breathe naturally in and out of the nose for a few cycles, let thoughts come and go.
On your inhales begin to use the mantra So, or “I am.”
On your exhales begin to use the mantra Hum, or “That.”
Inhale So, exhale Hum.
Continue like that with natural breaths for as long as you like, releasing the mantra and breathing naturally before you gently come out of meditation.
*So Hum loosely translates to I Am That, “that” referring to all that is, or all of creation.
As I complete this write-up, I am reminded fondly of Johnny Nash’s song: I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind… I mean really, does that not sound like yoga?
Life happens whether we think we can control it or not, and we might be able to find some peace if we let the past be where it is, let the future come as it will, and rest within the present moment as much and as often as we possibly can.
What does being present with the present moment just as it is, just as you are, mean to you?
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Photo: upside down at Lucent Yoga in Brooklyn.
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