If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.
Amit Ray
I expressed to teachers Mark McLaughlin and Nikki Costello in their workshop last weekend that, even though I firmly believe in the powers of my meditation practice to relieve anxiety and connect to my Self, I sometimes experience a strange side effect of panic, as if the world has finally opened up to my physical and soul Self so purely that I cannot handle its intensity.
How can it be that I can feel all of the feelings so immensely on both sides of the spectrum – like I could both vomit and be the epitome of supreme health, sink or fly, melt or elevate, evaporate or fortify, weep or laugh, die or exist eternally, feel exhaustively confused and deeply connected?
Not only do I feel all of these things, but often I feel them all within the same moment, as if the ground beneath me could split in two and cave in, or I might float so high I could end up in the clouds and expand into every particle of the universe.
I can assume that many of us have had experiences like this, whether we are going through a rough patch or are in a feel-good groove, and are all probably seeking ways to exist within these two extremes.
How do we stay on solid ground when we are faced with the fear and uncertainty of enlightenment, and/or how can we cultivate deeper connection to Source/Self/Universe if and when we feel stuck in the mud?
My own habits are spreading myself thin so that I find myself checking my calendar multiple times a day to make sure I know where I am supposed to be and what I have scheduled. I struggled with this throughout my youth – being involved in both basketball and dance in elementary school, choir and dance in high school, theater design and French and dance in college. I felt fulfilled to be doing things I loved, but would sometimes get hit with pangs of remorse from splitting my time between multiple communities instead of dedicating myself to just one.
As it stands now, I happily flip-flop from yoga to nutrition and wellness, from teaching classes at several studios [all of which I love] to hosting events [all of which I love] to dancing [which is my first love and will never end]. Needless to say I could use some grounding practices to keep me from flying away like an unruly ping pong ball, and so I committed to daily meditation.
What I now recognize is that practices like yoga and meditation work not only to connect to Self and Source and so on, they can also uncover and sometimes resurface the patterns we seek to reform.
Because I am a chronic multitasker, my ingrained habits have made bouncing around between projects and plans [and so on] the norm. Recognizing this part of myself and seeking to arrive in a state of complete centeredness in lieu of doing all of the things is a continual challenge.
In my case, my work of grounding via meditation can occasionally put me in a state of fear. I become anxious of losing myself in the vastness of the Universe, as though my attachments are completely unhinged [which is, ironically, the ultimate goal of yoga] and I am hesitant about this weightless space where I no longer have a kung fu grip on all of the things I have held onto.
Mark’s advice to me was simple: do something to stick you back into the moment and the world as it is, and as you are, right now. For example: if I am watching a movie and start to find myself so open that all experiences become one unified blur and I go into flip-out mode, I can put my feet firmly on the floor and look at the screen and say to myself that I am here, watching a movie, and maybe even acknowledge my alarm.
Mark went on to explain that I can practice not only observing the anxious experience of losing my Self to the Universe, but also witnessing exactly what I am doing: I am sitting, I am typing, I am chewing, I am breathing, I am feeling cold water slide down my throat. And perhaps I could consider an alternate activity to meditation that will help me get back into my body on Earth – for Mark it was surfing.
My question and work now, I feel, is if I “should” get grounded with one project or career path, or continue learning how to be present with them all. This inquiry reminds me of a time when one of my costume design professors at UCSB fiercely reprimanded me when I told her I wanted to continue to take class and perform with the dance majors, and study abroad to boot. She responded that I could not possibly do all of these things, that I needed to choose one if I wanted to graduate. I remember feeling like I could implode, then I cried; all of my emotions were followed by a spicy determination to prove her wrong.
And so now I find myself wanting to stick with all of the things I love to do, even if most business and career advice says to focus on one thing at a time. That said, I am learning to be present in and with each moment, with each open tab on my internet browser, with each class or event I am leading, with each person I am with and looking at and passing by and standing next to, however glorious or uncomfortable it is.
So… how do we get grounded, especially in a world full of distractions?
For insight and exploration, I offer a mantra meditation [below] that we practiced last weekend involving the Sanskrit So ‘Ham, which translates as I Am That. “That” can refer to all of creation, Source, or Universe.
For reference: Mark explained to us that Sanskrit was developed by those who witnessed moments of enlightenment, or supreme consciousness, and translated their experiences through vibrational sounds which became the Sanskrit language. As such, the So ‘Ham sounds can represent the inhale and exhale and their vibrations as they move within our bodies, back and forth, in and out.
Try this ‘Ham Sah mantra and simple breath meditation to get grounded:
- Find a comfortable seat with an elevated spine, hips above or in line with the knees.
- Breathe naturally for a few breaths, in and out of the nose, calmly letting each inhale and exhale come and go without force.
- Begin to repeat the mantra ‘HAM SAH out loud for a few cycles.
- Let those sounds resonate – I personally feel it vibrate in my chest on ‘HAM and in my throat [like a sigh] on SAH.
- Silently repeat ‘HAM on each inhale and SAH on each exhale for a few cycles, for however long feels appropriate.
- Gently release the mantra and notice the vibrations still moving through you, as if the mantra exists there organically with each inhale and exhale.
Other suggestions for getting and staying grounded:
- Practice asana, especially standing poses for those with flighty brains [me!] or inversions for those that feel ultra-grounded.
- Do an activity we enjoy by ourselves and experience it fully, whether swimming or coloring.
- Do an activity we enjoy with someone we enjoy, whether going to a workout class or having a great conversation.
- Find a suitable balance between keeping up to date with world news and reading good fiction, between taking action to stand up for what we believe in and doing something fun just for the heck of it.
- Commit our attention to whatever we are doing, whether meditating or washing dishes.
- Nourish our body with clean, healthy foods to help us stay connected to and give thanks to Mama Earth.
Mark referred to dharana, or the precursor to deep meditation, as focused attention. If and when we are experiencing joy or panic, connectedness or aloofness, we can still practice focusing our attention on those feelings and moments, whatever and wherever they may be, and perhaps use a similar approach to observing experiences as we would use for meditation.
What does practicing focused attention and getting grounded mean to you?
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Photo: baddha trikonasana at Yoga Vida Dumbo, Brooklyn.
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