figuring our Selves out
Finally I saw that worrying had
come to nothing.
And I gave it up. And took my
old body
and went out into the
morning,
and sang.Mary Oliver
This year thus far has proven to be an interesting albeit miraculous mix of diving face first into a realm of uncertainty and being continuously caught by an unbelievable safety net, all of which has resulted in time and space [although initially unwelcome] to watch life unfold and figure myself out.
As a serial planner, it has kind of pained me not to have a clear trajectory of where I would be/am headed next, but the cards I was dealt forced me to loosen my grip a little and trust that I would be guided to where I needed to be, exactly when I needed to be there. It has taught me to anticipate with a huge grain of salt and ride with the tide as best I can, even if it isn’t entirely comfortable or desirable.
Tara Beach’s talk on Human Doing and Human Being mentions our perpetual need to be distracted — although it may seem comforting in the moment, over time it will create great suffering when uncomfortable situations arise that we cannot control or escape or distract ourselves from. Suffering, she says, comes from resistance, and one of my first teachers Jenny Aurthur always told us that what we resist persists.
I once read one of those wise Yogi Tea paper labels that said “A relaxed mind is a creative mind.” Hence why my artistic wheels start turning the second I lay my head on my pillow at night, and why I feel energetically blocked when I am exhausted and thinking of what I should write in my newsletter or how I will arrange my next sequence. The more space we make for our minds, the more fluidly the ideas will flow.
Similarly, Tara inquires in her talk:
What would it feel like if we stopped doing and sat with ourselves for a moment without an agenda?
What would we discover about the things that are blocking us from experiencing life in the present moment?
What are the obstacles that keep us from arriving at a peaceful state of mind/being?
What are we afraid of, and what would we do if we weren’t afraid of it?
These are investigations that will move us forward toward whatever goal it is we may have – which for most of us is simply happiness – and yet we often find ourselves stuck in a pattern because we are unable to sit quietly with these self-inquiries. Instead we often choose to distract, and as a result we may unknowingly block ourselves from flowing with the river of life.
My grip on planning is still learning to soften, and it wasn’t so much by choice — Universe saw what was going down in my life [hello control issues] and brought the lesson straight to me.
I am still learning to pause and consider what is keeping me from living a little bit bigger or a little bit better, and am noticing what my patterns are that might perpetuate suffering.
I am recognizing that acknowledging my desired outcome without gripping on to it will allow me to more easily move with the current [even when it felt like straight up white water rapids this past winter]. I am trying my darnedest to give a little bit of whatever it is I am stressing about to Divine/God/Source/Mother Earth to support me, and trust that it is all working out as it should.
Today in class, Iyengar teacher Genny Kapuler said that every time we practice we figure ourselves out, more and more and bit by bit. Every physical asana or meditation practice offers a new lesson, and the answers might change each time we revisit a posture or situation based on what we are currently experiencing, our environment, and so forth.
For me, this translates as settling into my Self as much as possible since my exterior settings continue to shift quite a bit – especially as I set off to France until the end of July teaching and curating the wellness program for The Provence Experience.
Life has shown me that as long as I make the space and the effort to connect with my Self and the Universe [or whatever higher power you resonate with] – even if I don’t have everything planned to a capital T – the Universe will listen and guide me. As a result, the relationship with my Self and my surroundings will flourish wherever I am and whatever is happening.
This is not to say I/we must give up power completely, more-so that we stop trying so hard to fit life into the box of our perception and soften a little bit with our inherent need to DO versus BE. When we can really be with our Selves and our hearts, we can be more fully present with others and the world around us as it lines up based on what our unique individual Selves can offer each other in our lifetime.
As Paulo Coelho says in The Alchemist: “…when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” First, however, it is imperative that we make space in order to let life align. We must sit quietly to inquire and listen in order to figure out what it is that is blocking us; to download the lessons we receive whether visually or through dreams or sounds [or whatever], and trust that Universe will guide us whether we have the answers or not.
And so off we go, figuring ourselves out again just when we thought we’ve figured things out. What a relief not to have to be expected to have it all together, no?
How do we roll with the punches and make space to let life align? Here are some practices that have supported me personally:
- Surrender. Lighten your load a bit, it feels better.
- Trust. All is and will be well.
- Get support. Receive openly, even if you have nothing to offer in return at the moment.
- Give thanks. Notice little bits of beauty everywhere, however significant or apparent.
- Feel the feelings. Tara Brach says “everything belongs.”
- Go easy on yourself. Rest or move or rage or laugh when you need.
- Nourish yourself. Whether you are eating Ayurvedic kitchari or cookies – take care.
- Keep dreaming. Anything is possible, as long as you believe it is.
- Pause and reflect. Not always a fun process, but always valuable.
- Create healthy boundaries. Say “yes” when it feels right; say “no” without guilt or excuses.
- Make room for miracles. Relieve expectations of desired outcomes and let the unexpected unfold.
- Forget everything and create your own rules. Fuck it. YOLO.
- Embrace duality. See all of the above…
What helps you get in touch with your Self and BE versus DO in order to allow life to flow?
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Photo by Grant Henry Media.
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