Questions and mindfulness-based solutions to carry on while others are suffering
“There’s a lot going on right now” is a phrase I find myself and others saying lately, almost relentlessly, which is especially exhausting to hear at the start of a new and hopeful year – or anytime, I guess.
It makes me wonder:
Has there always been “a lot going on” in the world, and now we’re just hyper-connected to it all via virtual devices?
Are we more aware of tragedy, war, and disasters because it’s all captured on video and available all over the internet for us to see on a regular basis?
Are there simply more people in the world, and with our increasing virtual connection, is there simply a deeper sense of connection to others’ suffering?
(A question for another day: If we are so connected, why do we often feel so divided?)
There may not be “right” answers to any of the former or upcoming inquiries, but over the years – and especially now – various spiritual and holistic practices have helped me navigate this emotional overwhelm.
I grew up in the LA area, and over the past week, I’ve witnessed friends and family (thankfully all safe) go above and beyond to support people in their communities who lost everything, while also working through their own waves of fear and grief.
In 2017, wildfires swept through my teenage hometown in Northern California, wiping out homes of several friends and a large percentage of my neighborhood. My parents’ house was miraculously one of a few on their block left standing.
I was thankful to be able to fly back from Brooklyn at that time to help distribute donations and be with my family, but when I returned to the East Coast, I was unsure how to go about my daily life when so many people I knew would be struggling to rebuild for months and years ahead.
It’s contradictory in so many ways, because even if it feels innate to “keep going,” it also feels unfair and clunky to live your life “normally” when so many people close to you – or in the world in general – are suffering.
It feels weird to share a photo of a Mediterranean sunrise when my LA people – or any disaster-affected communities in the world – are knee-deep in recovery efforts.
I realize that donations and prayers aren’t for nothing (there are studies on the power of prayer – it’s not to be overlooked), but how do I go about my day when this is happening – especially when I can see it all unfold any time I open social media?
Not to mention other natural catastrophes, violence and injustice, racism, homophobia, melting ice, plastic in the ocean, animals in general…
But I know that – unless someone is in immediate danger – if anyone allows anything to consume them emotionally, the enormity of it all might also consume them physically, leading to the inability to take any action at all.
But I still feel so much!
So what do I do with all of these feelings?
Which led me to further emotional overwhelm inquiries:
How do we feel everything without getting dragged down by it to a point where we are incapable of moving forward, especially if we are also riddled with guilt for our privilege and safety?
How do we allow ourselves to still feel happiness and joy while recognizing that others are suffering – especially if we know the one(s) who suffer?
How do we re-center ourselves without bypassing deep feelings and emotions after a decentralizing event?
How do we remain as steady and certain as possible when the present feels so unsteady and the future feels so uncertain?
How are we supposed to regulate and carry on with our day when images of tragedies – whether violence or ecological hazards – are flooding our devices?
In a nutshell: How do we balance compassion for others with our own need for joy, peace, and purpose?
Which led me to some reality checks:
While someone is watching a sunrise from their home, celebrating a milestone, or giving birth, someone else is homeless, grieving, or suffering from illness.
While one group of people is thriving, another is fearing for its safety or in mourning.
While one city is on high-alert, another is moving along like any other ordinary day.
While one area is being hit with a debilitating natural catastrophe – whether incidental or ongoing – a home has planted a garden; a farm is adopting regenerative practices; a naturally-fallen tree is nourishing the soil for new growth.
Which led me to a few mindfulness-based tools and solutions:
Have compassion for those who suffer, and also continue to live life to the fullest – one day and one step at a time. No one deserves to be denied or deprived of joy.
Acknowledge personal and collective pain, and also – when possible – shift the attention to present-moment gratitude and awareness versus guilt or disconnection.
Learn how to hold space for all emotions, and also learn how to regulate and process them with tools like therapy, breathwork, movement, meditation, laughter, and nature. There are lots of free resources if finances are an issue.
Send love to those who need it, and also give back to local causes or immediate circles in ways that feel meaningful. Small actions can make big impacts.
Donate time, money, or resources to those in need if and whenever feasible – remembering that we can’t do all the things all the time, and also take care of ourselves so that we have the ability to be of service.
Remember that community can be cultivated in times of success and also distress – we don’t have to wait for one or the other to unite us. People, communities, and nature are all more resilient with extra support.
Be aware of good, inspiring news (there is so much beauty and kindness in the world, too), and also be aware of pertinent happenings that impact us / that we care about.
Moderate time on social media. It can be helpful to share news, wisdom, and useful resources (and memes, for laughs), but in excess it can drain both time and wellbeing.
Lastly: We don’t need to immediately find all answers or learn all lessons, but we can be open to learning from both positive and difficult experiences as time goes on.
Final hopeful words:
Yung Pueblo reminds us that intense emotions are part of life: “Being okay with not being okay is a skill that helps you not get dragged down by challenges.”
Similarly, Dan Harris wrote that empathy can result in overwhelm because we take on someone else’s big feelings alongside of our own, but compassion can equalize it.
Compassion, he says, is empathy plus a “desire to help—even if there’s nothing you can actually do to help. Simply adding on the desire to help can be empowering and ennobling, and can therefore prevent overwhelm.”
To actualize this practice, he mentally repeats the Buddhist phrase May you be free from suffering as a way to hold space for others while staying grounded, and also donates when possible, calls friends who are directly or indirectly affected, and is intentionally more helpful to immediate friends and family.
Dan’s final wisdom nugget to uplift any unsteady spirits: “Action absorbs anxiety.”
How to support:
A variety of organizations can be found in articles from NY Times, LA2050, and Time.
World Central Kitchen helps to feed people in need in LA, Gaza, Ukraine, and more.
ARC supports incarcerated firefighters.
This 25-minute restorative yoga practice can help cultivate calm.
I’m offering 5 free 45-minute virtual sessions for anyone in LA in need of nourishing movement, meditation, breathwork, or a safe space to share and process – message me.
Thanks for reading.
What’s the most important question or resolution for you today?
Take good care of yourselves and each other,
S
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