Meaningful teachings & messages that stuck with me
As I round out my self-proclaimed self-love month, I’m sharing a few of the messages that have presented themselves to me lately—each of which continues to teach me more about who I am; if and how I can soften, accept, and receive (without passivity).
I’m also genuinely curious to know if any of this has stuck with you—what has stood out? In what areas of your life are you lacking or abundant in self-love? Where do you need extra support, and how can you cultivate it on your own?
P.S. If and when you see the word God or any form of it in my writing, I’m not personally referring to a specific religion. Feel free to replace it with something else, like Source, Creator, Higher Power, Universe, Mother Nature—whatever resonates.
For what it’s worth 🙂
On being loved:
No one will ever love you exactly how you want, because that’s your job… We will wish, wait, and want every single week, month, and year for someone to love us in a particular, exact way, and they will always fail us, because that was your job, it was never theirs in the first place…
–Jay Shetty on Mel Robbins’ podcast
Message:
The more we expect others to meet all our emotional needs, the more disappointed and resentful we’ll be.
Do your best to love yourself the way you want to be loved—not because you need to fix yourself, but because you’re worth it. You can genuinely love and appreciate yourself just as you are, even if you still desire to make some positive changes.
You can show others you love them in the best way you know how, too—not because you need them to reciprocate, but because you genuinely want to give to them.
On control and change:
There’s 3 things in your control… What you think. What you do or don’t do. How you process your emotions… Wanting people to change is not the problem, how we go about it is… Learning how to love somebody as they are is a form of love that is deeply important.
–Mel Robbins on Jay Shetty’s podcast
Message:
Judgement and control create resistance to change. If we truly desire to change—to love ourselves and love others without so much judgement or resistance—we can:
- Choose what to think or believe about a thing.
- Choose how to respond to this thing—whether that means having a confrontational conversation or letting something slide.
- Choose how to process emotions around it all.
This is not encouraging passivity, but rather conscious and compassionate action.
On giving and receiving:
I am not here to take from people, I am here to give. Once I give, I will be a Vessel people want to give to.
–David Ghiyam
Message:
We can’t 100% control or change our circumstances or other people, but we can control the way we act and react; we can aim to give instead of take.
So instead “taking” from someone or something via unachievable expectations—whether it’s waiting for someone to love you or appreciate the work you do—give that loving, appreciative energy to yourself, and to others when you can.
This implies that we don’t rely on anyone for love, success, happiness, security, etc.
It also means cultivating trust in times of doubt, presence and certainty in times of uncertainty, love in times of judgement, and as much gratitude as possible in times of lack or discomfort.
This happens by putting energy into cultivating your own relationship with Love / God / Source / Universe. That unconditional, ever-present Love creates abundance.
As a result, we start to become that “Vessel” to receive the reality and the various forms of love we desire—even if it’s different than what we expected.
And as this enhanced version of ourself, we love ourselves and others with less conditions. We no longer need to rely on anything or anyone else for love if we’ve already cultivated that love within us.
On Love leading and healing:
…I am content to be wherever the Holy One who sent me wishes,
knowing Love goes there with me.
I will be healed as I let Love teach me to heal.
-Rev Diane, A Course in Miracles, shared by the lovely Natalie Kuhn
Message:
We don’t need to force things or have everything figured out. We can make an effort and choose how we want to live, love, and act—we can also trust that we are meant to be where we are, as we are. We can allow Love into our lives wherever we are, too.
Instead of seeking Love, healing, or answers elsewhere, we can find it in ourselves by trusting our circumstances and our personal journey; we can trust that Love will meet us where we are and help guide us.
Like the Mel Robbins quote—this does not imply we stand back as passive doormats, but rather results in taking conscious and compassionate action.
On doing to “fix”:
It is not about the exercise or movement per se, but the belief that you have to do these things to fix yourself, to get rid of pain or some “weakness” in order to live and do what you love. Doing these things might help build various physical attributes, but it is entirely possible that getting back to living life and doing meaningful activities will build you up too… Experience has taught me that most of the time, doing the thing I love doing (in one way or another) no matter what is going on, makes me feel better… I like the idea of building myself up to do the things I love AND the idea that I can build myself up by doing the things I love. The doing is the fixing.
–Carrie Owerko
I think sometimes ‘giving up’ on ‘fixing’ and focusing on ‘living’ will actually decrease pain. Rather than the idea of accepting pain.
-Physiotherapist Greg Lehman, quoted in Carrie’s newsletter
Message:
Science and professional support can help address certain physical or emotional injuries, ailments, and discomforts. But we cannot discredit the power of the mind and the shifts that can happen simply from focusing on the things we love doing vs fixating on and identifying with the pain we feel.
This doesn’t mean we should completely ignore pain, but we cannot ignore the things that light us up because we’re a little tired, sore, cranky, just don’t feel like it, or not in “ideal shape” in some way or another. This does not create a nourishing base for us to heal and flourish—physically or mentally.
Sometimes being a little uncomfortable while we’re in a phase of healing—not fixing—is just part of the journey. Sometimes healing means throwing perfectionism out the window and focusing on living well by doing things we love—even if we’re a little uncomfortable along the way (without causing harm, please).
And constantly trying to “fix” ourselves will be an inconclusive battle for body and mind. I like to reframe the idea of “fixing” to “cultivating balance”—even if 100% balance is never 100% achieved.
The act of consistently doing the things that help to cultivate balance can sometimes be just as important as the final result—even if we’re not fully comfortable while doing it.
On being enough:
…I don’t need a guru to tell me things about myself I think I don’t know… I don’t need to change my shape to make myself worthy of someone’s love. I don’t need any words or looks or comments… to believe I’m visible; to believe I’m here…
Because I am enough. My heart is enough. The stories and the sentences twisting around my mind are enough. I am fizzing and frothing and buzzing and exploding, I’m bubbling over and burning up. My early-morning walks and my late-night baths are enough… My piercing whistle, my singing in the shower, my double-jointed toes are enough…
…I am my own universe; a galaxy; a solar system. I am the warm-up act, the main event, and the backing singers.
And if this is it, if this is all there is just me and the trees and the sky and the seas—I know now that that’s enough.
I am enough… The words ricocheted through me, shaking every cell as they traveled. I felt them; I understood them; they fused into my bones. The thought galloped and jumped through my system like a racehorse, I called it out to the dark sky. I watched my proclamation bounce from star to star, swinging like Tarzan from carbon to carbon. I am whole and complete. I will never run out,
And I am more than enough,
(I think they call it “a breakthrough.”)
-Dolly Alderton, Everything I Know About Love
Message:
You are worthy of love; you don’t need anyone or anything else to validate that; you never ever need to become someone else to receive love.
On Self-Love: Fixing vs Caring & Conceptualizing vs Embodying
Self-love Embodiment: Compassionate Awareness
Self-love on Repeat: “Chop Wood, Carry Water”
Make it your own
However you want to practice and embody self-love, let it be personal, embodied, and nourishing to you and your lifestyle—even if it doesn’t feel 100% natural at first.
What does loving yourself mean to you?
What message is speaking to you lately?
Reach out for 1:1 coaching to cultivate personalized ways of embodying and infusing self-love into your daily life—intro calls are free.
Take good care,
S
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